Leaving Chileka in Blaze of…. Self Actualization?

Hey all,

You already been introduced to my family. It will be not too long now, not more than a week or two actually, until I move out from that place and head somewhere else. Due to some craziness with EWB’s overseas strategy it’s not very clear where I’m going to end up, but in all likelihood I will be in Blantyre city for at least a while. I’ll then be heading home in November, then back to Malawi in January 2010.

A couple of weeks ago a bit of a bomb was dropped on me about my family. Ndaziona, whom you met earlier, was not going to school, and I didn’t know why. I talked with Evelynne about it, and they did not have money to pay her fees. It turns out at least a few things were going on:

• Evelynne had fallen asleep with a few thousand kwacha on her (around $25, quite a bit), and some boys had stolen it apparently.
• The dad of the house has been hiding money from the family. This explains a lot of the weird dynamics in the place and how conversations are vastly different between when it’s just the mom and kids versus when he’s around.
• The dad of the house, who is Muslim (but who still prays with the family all the time), apparently has 5 girlfriends dispersed between Chileka, Blantyre, and Lunzu, and that’s where his earnings go to.

Does any of this make complete sense to me? Not quite. But what I did know is that Ndaziona was not going to school. I also know that Evelynne values school for her children – she only finished standard 4 (like grade 4), and I think she wants her kids to have more opportunity than that. Ndazi is the younger girl so she bears the brunt of the chores (though my family does do a pretty good job of sharing them between the girls and the boys, and even me when I am allowed and am around). She has also struggled in school and even failed her tests last year, so her likelihood of getting financed to get through school is substantially lower than that of Chinsisi, who is a boy, or Anasi, who is currently studying in Lilongwe. When faced with this situation I couldn’t do anything other than pay her fees, so I did. This, by the way, had to be kept our little secret from the dad.

“Ndi chinsisi chathu, musandandaule” – I remember saying, which means “It’s our secret, don’t worry.” This was met with big laughs.

And when I leave Chileka in the next week or two, I am going to leave behind a sizable sum of money for the kids’ school. I don’t know if that just perpetuates the whole National Bank of Azungu mentality that is clearly alive and well with this family. But honestly, sometimes, I don’t really care. I’ll be finishing up a post about action and ignorance in a couple of days which will explore my feelings about this kind of thing in a bit more detail.

This is Anasi

This is Evelynne

For all the whining I’ve done about my host family (it is quite a challenging environment to live in), I do have a lot of love for them and care about them a great deal. I want to see Ndaziona succeed. That doesn’t mean a woman can’t succeed by just being a good farmer and family wife, but I think Ndazi wants more than that, and she deserves the chance.

Last night I was eating dinner, and the dad had already finished so I was alone. Ndaziona came into the dining room to get something.

“Ndazi, tabwera” I whispered, asking her to come close.

“Aphiri!” she answered with her usual joyful tone.

“Ndazi, umapita kusukulu tsopano eti?” – "you are going to school now right?"

“eee”

“Umapita tsiku lili lonse?” -- “every day?", I asked

“eee, Monday to Friday!”

“OK, ndipo, udzamaliza liti? Sukulu idzatseka liti?” – “when does school close?” I asked her.

“October, ndipo idzayambanso January”, she answered.

“OK. Ukudziwa kuti ndidzaputa posachedwa, ndipo pameme ndidzapita, ndidzasiya ndalama

zina, kuti upitalize kukapita kusukulu.” – “you know I’m leaving soon. And when I go, I am going

to leave some money for you to continue going to school.”

“OK”, she said, a bit more seriously once she realized I wasn't just screwing around, which is usually the context in which we communicate.

“Ndikufuna kuti upite kusukulu nthawi zonse. OK? Ukuyenera kumwaliza sukulu, chonde.” - “I want you to go to school all the time. You need to finish school, please.”

“OK, ndidzamwaliza Aphiri.” – “OK, I will finish.”

Here's Ndaziona with a bit of her sass

If there are any worries about this action being insulting to the family or something – haha, no. This family has always been quick to take my money so I’m not too worried about that. I am worried about something, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. At the end of this conversation Ndazi got a little cheeky and ask me to give the money directly to her. I laughed and told her I’d be giving it to her mom.

I am also thinking that I’ll talk to Odala about leaving him something so that Desire and Moses, his children, can be sure to go to school. I know that’s one of his worries. If he can use some seed money to start up his business finally, or maybe use in for the South Lunzu Post Test Club, his NGO, or even his save it directly for school fees, I think it’s a worthwhile investment. Maybe that’s the conclusion all azungus eventually reach which is why there’s sometimes this baseline expectation that azungus will give money to Malawians just because. I have expressed genuine frustration with this mentality and my feelings about how it is crippling for development. But I think there’s a difference between a random person asking you to buy them things and assuming you will, and helping someone with whom you have a real friendship.

Here's Odala

I'm teaching him to use the computer

Maybe I’m just rationalizing because my ego can’t stand to take a hit like not offering to help people I know I can help, or maybe I’m actually right. Not sure, don’t care (actually I do care). But I feel like if I choose not to help when I can in a situation in which I would if it were with one of my non-Malawian friends, choosing not to would be ever more paternalistic and would devalue the friendship. You might even call it racist.

Question:

§ I’ve talked at length about how aid undermines Malawians’ abilities and drive to solve their own country’s problems. It creates an underlying accountability dynamic of the aid system being responsible for Malawi’s success, so that development actors become accountable to donors rather than to the people of the country. I see a difference between this and helping individuals whom you really know. Do you see that difference, too, or am I mistaken?

Thanks for reading!